Corporate Rules

Rule-1

The Boss is always right.

Rule-2

If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

Rule-3

Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

Rule-4

Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

Rule-5

If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Rule-6

When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

Rule-7

It doesn't matter what you do, It only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

Rule-8

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick

Rule-9

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Rule-10

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

Rule-11

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Rule-12

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Rule-13

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Rule-14

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Rule-15

Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous".

Rule-16

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

Rule-17

You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

Rule-18

In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.

Rule-19

In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.

Rule-20

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Light At the End of the Tunnel

No matter what situations

life throws at you. . .

No matter how long and treacherous

your journey may seem. .

Remember, there is always

a light at the end of the tunnel. . .

Some New Laws and Their Discoverers

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to Itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Kovac's Conundrum:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Cannon's Karmic Law:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

O'Brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bell's Theorem:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Willoughby's Law:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Zadra's Law of Biomechanics:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Breda's Rule:

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Owen's Law:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Howden's Law:

You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.